Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
