Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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