well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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