he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
