there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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