I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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