I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter