the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.