see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.