I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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