Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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