I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
