I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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