Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
