When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we're making bets on your personal life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
