I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize