if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
