I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
