remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
