just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
