well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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