I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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