i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
