just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So vagazzling was a success
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