I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
