I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
