You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's official drugs can't kill me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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