tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
