walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
