I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
