why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
