Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
