He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Less talking, more tequila
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
