I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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