THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
