absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it glows. i had to have it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
