i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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