I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize