I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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