did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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