pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
