Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
