you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
