whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
