Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
