I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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