Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
