its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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