how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me. At least after what I've been through.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
