I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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