he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
