I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
