I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
