I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
