so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there is puke in my bra ... again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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