At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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