i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
