She is in my trunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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