i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
