You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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