Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
