why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
