so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
