I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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