you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
