sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
