sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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