Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
