Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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