i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
