yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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